No need to say goodbye
by duckmadgirl
Summary: As Dutchy heads off to Afghan Bird tries to find the right words. can she tell him what she is really feeling and what happens when everything changes when he returns
1. Chapter 1

Jessica Bird sat in the Juniors mess; she was looking at university prospectuses. It was so hard to choose and now she wasn't even sure if she wanted to go to leave. Pushing the books to one side she focused on a leaflet about training as a medic with the Navy. This would be the best of both worlds, staying in the navy and becoming a paramedic. Sort of.

She was so absorbed in the literature she didn't see Dutchy walk in and sit opposite her. he glanced over the pile of books.

"not thinking of leaving us" he grinned

"eh? What?" she looked up

"Uni" he pointed to the books. "it's a shame and will be a great loss for the navy" he smiled

"really" she smiled hoping her cheeks weren't turning red.

"of course. You have become an amazing sailor you should be so proud of yourself" he smiled looking at her. She had come far since the nervous teenager who was afraid of guns and anything slimy that first boarded Hammersley 2 years ago.

Tucking her hair behind her ear she looked up at him, "you think so?" she asked

"Think so, I know so, your amazing. Have faith in yourself and just believe you can do it"

"Thanks, Dutchy" she smiled feeling her cheeks flush.

"Ah! Dutchy" Kate poked her head round the door breaking the awkward silence between them. "The Boss wants a word in his cabin" she smiled

"Ma'am" Dutchy called in his 'professional voice' "no rest for the wicked" he grinned winking at Bird.

Hiding her face Bird watched as he walked out. She hoped her cheeks weren't flaming especially in front of one of her superiors especially the one had to remind her of the 'no snogging your shipmates' rule on her first patrol.

"you alright Bird" Kate called looking at the young sailor

"err yes ma'am" she smiled

"good" Kates eyes were drawn to the university prospectuses lay on the table. "you know you really should consider the Navy's training program for medics Swain was saying we should put you forward" she smiled leaving Bird alone in the mess

"thanks Ma'am" Bird smiled back picking up the leaflet, had Kate slipped it in to her bag or was fate trying to tell her something. Sliding round the table she headed towards the galley to begin prepping lunch.

Dutchy stood outside Mikes Cabin knocking on the door. He waited for a response.

"yeah" Mike called opening the door.

"boss The X said you wanted to see me?"

"umm yes, close the door Dylan" Mike turned in his seat. "NAVCOM have sent this through" he handed Dutchy a sheet of paper. "your being posted off, they want you to go back to Afghan. This will be your last patrol with us" Mike half smiled.

"Sir It has been a honour to serve with you and on Hammersley" he held out his hand to mike.

Taking his hand mike shook Dutchy's hand back "Likewise"

"CO requested to the bridge" Kates voice echoed down the pipe.

"Sir can we keep this on the QT until we get back to base"

"fine but in my experience the longer you leave something like this the harder it gets"

"I know, I will tell everyone when we get back, I just don't want it to be a distraction"

"it's up to you. I will let you get your head round everything" Mike said walking out.

"thank you, Sir," Dutchy said heading towards the galley

Mike walked up on to the bridge

"what we got X" he called walking up behind Kate.

"suspected FFV. She is ignoring our calls to stop"

"okay X take a boarding party and see what's going on"

"Sir" she picked up the handset. "hands to boarding stations. Hands to boarding Stations Hands to boarding stations" she called before replacing the handset. "Sir where is Dutchy" Kate looked round the bridge.

"he will be along shortly, but when you get back, I need a word"

"about?" she asked

"Like I said X it can wait till we have dealt with the fishermen. Watch your step over there"

"Sir" she shook her head if he brought it up now why couldn't he tell her now it clearly wasn't that important if it could wait.

They boarded the FFV without any issues or resistance. It had a sizeable catch of trochus and other shellfish. The boat its self, had more holes than a sieve and it was a wonder how it was still afloat.

After putting the crew in austere. Kate walked along the corridor coming to a stop outside Mikes cabin the door was open and she could see him sat at his desk. Knocking she made her presence known.

"Sir" she called "the crew are down in austere and their vessel has been sunk" she smiled "none of the crew speak any English" she sighed "or at least they are hiding the fact that they do"

"right well I guess it is a case for customs" he turned in his seat "umm close the door" he asked

"Sir?" she walked in closing the door behind her.

He handed her the print out of the email from NAVCOM. Her eyes scanned the document taking in the information. Stepping back she sat down on his rack.

"when?" she asked re reading the details

"when we get back, it seems the deployment is immanent." Mike replied

"so..." Kate replied not quite sure of what to make of everything

"I Know it's going to be tough but he says he wants to tell everyone when we get back to base so as not to distract anyone from their duties"

"umm when … when do they want him in Sydney?" she asked

"it looks like it will be within the next two weeks" Mike half smiled

"so not long" she sighed. Closing her eyes, so much change. Dutchy was a close friend and he always had her back and he had always been there for her especially over the last 18 months with everything that happened, with Mike and Jim.

"no but I am sure between us we can give him a good old-fashioned Hammersley send-off" he smiled.

"i know but its just with all this change, Swains death and now Dutchy being posted off I just worry it will affect the crew," Kate sighed

"well one the Hammersley Crew is the best and I don't think they will let something like that happen. Two they have one of the best leaders to unite them if they do, that's you by the way and three that's why we need to have a party it will help"

Kate laughed any excuse for a good old knees up "if you say so" she looked at her watch realising the time "i best go"

"eh what?" Mike asked

"its almost my watch and I need a drink" she smiled

"oh right of course, we can talk more later" he smiled

Walking out of Mikes cabin Kate was so distracted by her own thoughts she didn't see Dutchy walking down the other way.

"Ma'am!" he called

"sorry Dutchy" she forced a smile. Despite him still being on the ship she couldn't help but think how odd it would feel when he did post off.

"guessing the boss has told you then?" he half smiled making sure they were alone

"yeah." she whispered. "how you feeling? Last time you were out there you lost some close friends and have only just got over it"

"i know but that is the life we sign up for, we have to go where we are told and learn to like it" he smiled

Kate let off a small laugh. 6 years ago, she felt the exact same having being posted on to Hammersley for the first time. Now in those 6 years she couldn't imagen doing anything different. "I know so long as you are okay with it. You know where I am if you need to talk" she smiled walking in to the galley

"thanks X" he smiled heading along the passage way.

Watching as he walked away Kate smiled, he was taking this rather well or if he was affected by this then he was doing a good job of hiding the fact he was bothered. Pouring the coffee in to a thermos she headed on to the bridge. Taking her seat she looked out at the horizon ahead of them. She couldn't let this affect her she needed to focus on the job in hand and get home. She knew Mike had to tell her but she wished he had waited because now she couldn't focus for the second time in as many months, she was about to lose a close friend

**so the idea for this came when I was listening to a song called 'The Call (no need to say goodbye) it was originally written as the soundtrack for Disney's Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian. But the version I like is by a group of 5 Girls who were called The Poppy Girls, all who have fathers serving in the Armed Forces and they were chosen for the 2013 Royal British Legion charity single. (watch the video of them performing at the festival remembrance and watch till the end its a tear jerker) I think the song is so moving do have a listen. Anyway let me know what you think and enjoy x **


	2. Chapter 2

Hammersley returned to port the following evening. With the crew of the FFV being handed over to customs for prosecution of illegal fishing in Australian waters everyone was on a high for the shore leave that was to follow. Kate walked on to the bridge, smiling she could see Mike talking with Dutchy.

Coughing slightly, she stepped forward "Sir the fishermen have been handed over to customs."

"very good X" Mike smiled back

"and Sir some of the crew are making to leave," she turned

"right" he leaned over picking up the radio, "here there Captain speaking all crew muster, boat deck before you leave that is all" he called before replacing the handset.

There were groans from all over the ship nobody wanted to stay behind as it usually meant canalled leave.

Slowly everyone milled out on to the deck waiting for the intervenable bad news that they all knew was coming.

"what do you think is going on?" Bird asked

"i don't know you've seen as much as me" 2-dads called

"someone must be in trouble. They only call us all on deck to get to the route of the issue" Ro called walking up towards them both.

"well Roey what you been up to?" 2-dads grinned

"2-dads if anyone is in trouble it is more than likely going to be you." Ro said dryly

"RO you hurt me" 2dads said with mock offence

"2dads have you forgotten the spider monkey you smuggled on board, spreading rumours abandoning your post kidnaping and murdering a croc"

Bird laughed "be fair Robert the croc wasn't initially his fault"

"why thank you Birdy at least someone has faith in moi" 2 dads grinned

"okay settle down please this won't take too long the boss has some news" Kate called walking out standing in front of them shortly followed by Mike.

"thank you, X, now I know we all have homes we want to get back to so I will keep this brief. Dutchy has some news he would like to share with us all. Dutchy"

"thank you, Sir." Dutchy stepped forward "I umm found out that this was my last patrol, I have been selected for deployment out to Afghanistan..."

Bird stood on the deck she could hear what dutchy was saying but she couldn't take it all in. Everything was changing too fast she felt like she was on a merry-go-round spinning faster and faster and she was unable to get off or stop.

"now we're all going to miss Dutchy but I think I speak for us all when I say we wish you the best of luck" Mike smiled clapping. Kate immediately joined in followed slowly by the rest of the crew. "now I have organised a little something for tomorrow evening so we can send Dutchy off in true navy style, and the X is going to be passing round the hat for a collection" mike smiled "now have a good leave and see you all tomorrow."

Taking off her cap Kate held it out watching as the crew began dropping notes in as they left. Dropping a few notes 2-dads walked past heading for the gang way.

"2-dads where do you think you're going" Kate called

"pub?" he grinned hopefully

"i don't think so, don't think I don't know that it was you who poured red food dye in to the water tanks"

"Ma'am I honest..." he began

"i don't want to hear it 2-dads you were caught on CCTV. So, you're staying onboard and have to clean and flush out the entire system before the next patrol" she smiled sweetly.

"yes ma'am" he huffed

"and I would get a wiggle on if I was you especially if you want to come to Dutchy's leaving do" she smiled

"Yes Ma'am" he sighed heading back inside

The next day was filled with a somber mood. No one wanted to say goodbye to Dutchy. Jess walked in to the Bar where they were all meeting. She could see most of the crew talking amongst themselves. Walking over she pulled her bag from over her shoulder hanging it on one of the chairs

"jess" Kate smiled

"hey X" Jess smiled sitting on one the chair

"oh I need your autograph on this. But don't look at the left side" Kate held out a huge card and pen to her.

It was hard to find space to write a message to Dutchy as she was the last one who needed to sign. most of the left side had been taken up by a crude poem written by 2-dads. Feeling herself cringe at some of the words some she wasn't sure she knew the definitions of. Finding a space on the back she found the right words hard; she didn't want to seem like a silly school girl but she wanted to say something meaningful. signing her name, she closed it up handing it back to Kate.

"all done" she smiled as she handed it back. "what time is Dutchy arriving"

"soon," Kate looked up sealing the card in its envelope. "how is the university stuff going?" she asked

"it's not" Jessica half smiled "i am not sure if I even want to go"

"just have faith and follow your heart. It is rarely wrong" Kate patted the young woman on the shoulder.

"thanks X" Bird smiled

"Jess you can call me Kate when we are not on the ship or at work"

"okay. Kate" Bird smiled.

10 minutes later Dutchy walked in.

"Finally, Dutchy," 2-dads called. "The boss was refusing to let us touch this un-till you arrived" 2 dads grinned

"do you ever stop thinking about your stomach" RO called walking over.

"not when there is free food involved. Rule one in life Roberto never say no to a free meal" 2-dads grinned

Sighing Kate looked over at Mike rolling her eyes. Smiling back "go on then fill your boots" he sighed "I suppose the speeches can wait". once everyone had their fill Kate stood up

"Quiet please" she called tapping on her glass. Slowly everyone quietened down and turned their attentions to Kate. "Dutchy from the moment you came onboard Hammersley you created quite a Stir and not just with the female members of the ships company." There was a chuckle from everyone. "despite everything and coming from a big ship you took to a patrol boat like a duck to water. I am sure that you will fit in amazingly on your new ship but you will always be a member of the family. To Dutchy" she raised her glass

"Dutchy!" everyone called

"now we couldn't let you leave without a parting gift to remember us all by" Kate smiled indicating to Mike who pulled a large box wrapped in brightly coloured paper.

After mike placed it on the table Dutchy carefully unwrapped it not wanting to rip the paper. Lifting out what was in the box he smiled "Thor" he smiled lifting the statuette out of the box. Hammersley's mascot was the Mighty Thor so he appreciated the joke behind it "thanks guys" he placed it safely back in to the box. "Now I would like to say a few words. Boss you have been the best captain I have ever served under. Its been a honour to be a part of your crew. Kate. When I first found out I was posted on to Hammersley I heard some horror stories that the XO was a ice queen and a queen of evil punishments, thankfully only half of that is true. Anyone else feeling the cold" he grinned looking at Kate

"it is not too late to make you clean the heads with a toothbrush" she grinned trying not to laugh

"no in all fairness you have been amazing. You have been the best boarding officer I have worked with and I am sorry if I was cold with you in the early days. Charge, enough with the conspiracy theories. The moon is not made of cheese and the earth is most defiantly round as you should know. 2-dads know this may be hard for you but try and grow up."

Everyone laughed. Apart from 2–dads

Sitting waiting to hear what Dutchy may have to say about her Bird could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Slipping out she stood on the deck the cool evening air blow against her skin. Looking out to sea she hated change and this was huge, she felt like her family was falling apart.

"Jess?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Jess" Dutchy called stepping out on to the deck.

Turning she brushed the tears from under her eyes Jess turned "Dutchy" she forced a smile

"Are you okay?" he asked

"fine" she lied "I just needed some air" she walked over to one of the benches sitting down.

Looking at her she was clearly hiding something. Sitting next to her he looked at her, "come on chicken legs what's really wrong"

"nothing" she looked at him wide eyed "i am fine, anyway your missing your Party"

"yeah well 2-dads has commandeered the DJ deck, it's way too loud and I am not quite sure what half the songs are about" he smiled "and I can hardly leave you all on your own now can I"

Laughing slightly, she could hear the base from out here and knowing 2-dads taste in music it was probably just as well he couldn't understand the lyrics. Sitting in silence for what seemed like ages.

"are you really alright with going to Afghan?" Jess asked breaking the silence

"it's what we sign up for isn't it. To help make a difference defending the greater good"

"but isn't it dangerous? She asked. The wars in the middle east had raged for most of her life and there had always been something on the news relating to the events over there.

"yes, but so can life on the patrol boats. Every aspect of life in the Defence forces can be dangerous. None of us really know what is round the next corner"

"yes but..." she wanted to protest but given everything she had seen in her gap year and after she couldn't really argue with that.

"I will be fine, tough as boots me" he smiled reassuringly

Again, they sat in silence, the moon casting is silvery light on the deck reflecting off the water. Looking over he could see Bird dithering rubbing her arms trying to generate some warmth.

Easing his arms out of his leather jacket he draped it over her shoulders.

"Thank you" she smiled pulling the jacket tighter round her feeling the residual heat warming her. "i want to give you something" she looked up, opening her bag she pulled out a rather old well-loved Koala. "i have had him since I was little, he is sort of my good luck charm. He looked after me every time I was scared." she held it out to him

"won't you be needing it on your next big adventure to HMAS Penguin or university which ever you decide"

"Not as much as you" she smiled "please take him"

"okay" he smiled taking the teddy from her. Looking in to the black glass eyes

"Now you have to come back, and you must promise to bring him back without a scratch" she forced a smile trying to stop the tears flowing.

"does he have a name?" Dutchy asked looking at the warn face.

"Kola" she smiled. Looking at him she could see the corners of his mouth twitching in to a smile "hey don't laugh I was 4 and I couldn't say Koala."

"i wasn't Laughing. It's a sweet Name. I promise I will look after him" he smiled

Looking at his watch he realised they had been outside for almost an hour. "Shall we head back in, sounds like 2-dads has gotten bored of being Mr DJ"

Shaking her head, "I am not really in the mood. I think I will just head home and hit my rack" she stood up.

"oh well I guess I will say goodbye then" he stood up

"don't say goodbye" she looked away "it sounds so final like we're never going to see each other again" her eyes filled with tears.

"come here" he held his arms out, taking her hand he slowly pulled her close "i am going to be fine, nothing will happen and in 6 months I will be back and you can have Kola back without a scratch"

"i still don't like goodbyes" she whispered looking up in to his eyes

"then I won't say goodbye. I will say Aloha"

"that's hello in Hawiian" she laughed through tears.

"it's also a way of saying farewell" he looked down on her

"aloha then" she smiled weakly reaching up kissing him on the cheek.

As she reached up, he turned his head causing their lips to brush together. Stepping back, she touched her lip still fizzing. Something felt so wrong. He was a friend. "I... umm" she stammered stepping back, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks, he was leaving to head to Afghanistan and now he does this. She liked him since he first came onboard Hammersley not long after her. But she thought he only saw her as a friend.

"Jessica" he whispered he stepped after taking her by the arm. Running his hand through her now tangled hair he rested her hand on her cheek, brushing his thumb along her cheek brushing away the tears. Resting his forehead against hers. Closing her eyes, she could feel his breath on her face, her heart beating faster and faster in her chest. Teasing her in to a kiss

She felt confused and conflicted. He was a friend and she would hate for anything to ruin that. "I have to go" she whispered pulling away slowly, looking up in to his eyes. Turning she walked towards the path. Standing he watched as she walked away. Sighing he turned heading back in to the bar.

"hey there you are where you been" 2-dads called

"just getting some air and away from your really bad taste in music" he smiled patting 2-dads on the shoulder

"where's your Jacket" charge asked "you left with it and now you don't have it"

"oh yeah I was chatting with some Bird outside and she was shivering so I being the gentleman I am leant her my coat. And she disappeared with it"

"cheeky and you didn't go after her" 2-dads asked

"Nah couldn't be bothered it's a jacket"

"Did you see Bird outside she has been gone a while" Kate asked looking over

"yeah she wasn't feeling too great so she headed home" he smiled reaching for where he left his beer. "2 dads did you finish my beer?" he looked on the table for his glass.

"yeah sorry I thought you had gone" 2-dads grinned

"your shout I think 2-dads then" Charge called

"do I have to?" 2-dads complained

"yes, you haven't brought a drink all evening" charge called

"Fine, Same again?" 2-dads asked

Leaning back in his seat dutchy nodded his mind not really on another drink, all he could think of was Jessica and the kiss, for so long he had admired her bravery and attitude. Her little ways were amusing. But he couldn't do this to her. It was never easy to be the one left on shore but being so far away and in such a volatile situation he couldn't do this to her she was far too pure and kind hearted for that and was destring to do great things. He didn't want to think about it. He couldn't he needed to keep his head clear for the tour.

Sitting in her little apartment in Goat Central or Enlisted junior singles to call its proper name proper name. Pulling out a photo album from under the bed she had filled it with pictures of everything. Flicking through she looked at everyone. Bomber had posted off and left the navy to open a Bistro closer to home, swain had tragically been killed earlier this year after defending the base from a terror attack, and now Dutchy was leaving heading to Afghanistan for who knows how long. Flicking through she found one of just her and Dutchy. She was going to miss him but he was going out there for the greater good and like he said he was as tough as boots. She couldn't count the amount of times she had helped patch him up in the ward room. She just hoped he wouldn't let this go to his head. Sighing she closed the album placing it back under her bed. Closing her eyes, he invaded her thoughts. She prayed he would be safe and he would come back safe.

**so hope you like this, the moment when Jess gives Dutchy the Koala is pinched from Downton Abbey (lady Mary gives Matthew her old toy for luck as he heads off to the trenches of WW1)anyway hope you like it and please let me know what you think. xx**


	4. Chapter 4

Jess lay awake for what seemed like ages just staring at the ceiling, eventually she drifted off in to a disturbed slumber her mind playing tricks on her of what ifs. Playing over and over all the things that could happen to Dutchy.

She awoke to the sound of her phone ringing loudly from the side. Reaching out she patted the bedside cabinet till she found it, pulling it towards her.

"hello" she yawned

"Jessica" Kate called down the phone "i didn't mean to wake you"

"X" jess replied nervously "I'm not late or anything am I?" she Stammered unable to remember if she was on watch or not.

"relax you're not late I was just wondering if you were alright you sort of disappeared without a word. Dutchy said you were feeling under the weather last night"

"yeah I just had a bit of a headache and didn't want to spoil the mood" she lied hoping it was believed.

"It's okay so long as your feeling better now" Kate replied. It was clear that there was something else bothering her but she didn't want to push. "you know where I am if you want to talk"

"thanks X" she called as the line went dead.

Pushing herself upright she pulled her knees up wrapping her arms around them. She looked around her little apartment in navy singles accommodation, it wasn't much but she called it home and she loved it.

The sun had just risen and the sky was a light with reds and golds and it was still cool. Throwing back the covers she reluctantly rolled out from under her duvet. She needed to clear her head. Changing in to shorts and a vest she grabbed her iPod from the side. A run would give her the escape she needed and hopefully take her mind off of Dutchy.

Running around the point and along the beach helped her feel free and alive. It helped clear her thoughts. She felt like a weight had been lifted. Returning home, she changed in to her DPNUs as she was on duty watch. Walking over the gangway she dropped her bag in her cabin before heading on to the bridge.

"Bird" Kate looked up to the approaching footsteps

"X" Jess smiled "can I ask you something"

"of course." Kate smiled putting her pen down looking up at Jessica

"I was wondering if you could help me with my application for the medics course?" she asked nervously

"of course," Kate smiled "why don't I see if I can arrange for you to go down for a tour of HMAS Penguin, talk to some of the trainees and get a feel for the place."

"wow X that would be fantastic" Bird exclaimed

"i take that to be a yes" Kate laughed

"yes, thank you ma'am"

Sitting on the bridge Jess stared out of the window. They were in home port so there wasn't much to do apart from check the deck and gangway reporting to port security every hour. Leaning back in the seat she turned at the sound of feet on the steps behind. Turning behind her, she looked around to see Kate walking up carrying 2 mugs.

"Jess" she held out one mug. "thought you could do with a coffee.

"thanks" she smiled back sipping her drink holding back with what she really wanted to ask. "X I was wondering umm what..."

Looking over it was like Kate could read the young girls mind "he will be on HMAS Newcastle. They leave on Friday." she smiled

"oh right" jess was taken aback. It was like Kate had read her mind. But she didn't expect the information to come so freely. "thanks" she was a little deflated, she didn't expect him to leave so soon, they only returned 2 days ago and only said a Propper farewell yesterday.

"and I have some news. I have spoken to an old friend who teaches at Penguin. He said that you could go down this weekend. I have cleared it with the boss"

"thanks Ma'am" Jess smiled if she went to see the base and got a feel for it then it may make the decisions a lot easier.

"you can leave tomorrow if you like" Kate smiled "get a feel for Sydney it's a bit of a whirlwind when you first get there."

"yeah" she paused "thank you X"

3 days later Jess walked through the gates of Garden island, the home base of some of the frigates including HMAS Newcastle. Newcastle was due to depart on a minimum 6-month tour of Afghanistan assisting the British and American forces in protecting interests in the area. The quay was filled with family of the 230 crew members all wanting to see their loved ones off and all praying nothing would happen. Edging her way through the crowds she looked around wondering where he was. She could see that most of the crew were already onboard and checking the flight deck was sound and generally waiting for the rest of the crew to make their way on board. Looking up she spotted him in his smarts chatting to a female officer he seemed to know. At least he would have someone looking after his back she smiled.

Slowly the crew began to walk over the gangway and take their place on the deck. She watched as the huge rope that was used to anchor the ship in place on the quay. The horn blasted as she began to edge away from the dock. The sailors turned saluting the flag that blew in the wind. Slowly Newcastle pulled out, the families on the quay watching as the ship left before slowly milling away. The sooner they left then the sooner that the ship would return safe and sound. Jess stood on the Quay watching as Newcastle sailed out of the bay until she was just a little grey dot on the horizon barely recognisable.

"stay safe" she whispered. Before turning following the crowds out.

Later that evening she sat in her hotel room curled up flicking through the channels on the tv. She wasn't actually interested in anything she just wanted some sound to keep her company. Looking out of the window she could just make out the light of the Hornby head lighthouse in the distance. Sliding from the bed she headed to the balcony, it was a clear crisp evening picking up his leather jacket she headed out side. She looked straight ahead at the horizon it was so clear and the stars were out shining looking down on the city. Looking dead ahead she stared at one bright star, praying to it asking it to look out for him protecting him.

Sat at the helm of Newcastle Dutchy Stared out at the dark horizon. He loved being at sea at night unless it was a cloudy night there was nothing stopping the stars from shining down on them.

"port 30 steer 240" the officer of the watch called after checking the chart.

"port 30 steer 240" dutchy called turning the ship.

Looking out the window his eye was caught by a bright star sat right in the middle of the sky. He could feel her presence even though he knew she would be asleep in her rack on Hammersley. Then he heard her whispers of "stay safe" clear as day

"I will" he whispered to himself looking at the star. Hoping it would convey his message back to her.

**so hope you enjoy. just to note 1 I have never been to Sydney so have no idea on the layout and can only work with google maps and 2 I have no idea what would happen when a Naval vessel leaves port for deployment and have only seen very short news clips of the royal navy ships leaving (so I know all sailors stand on deck). please let me know what you think. the next chapter will fast forward a little. **

**enjoy xx **


	5. Chapter 5

Walking out in to the courtyard Jessica Bird looked around as slowly others walked out of the surrounding buildings desperate for a bit of sun considering for the last week it had mostly been raining none stop. After more than a year of waiting she had finally made it to HMAS Penguin for her medics training. She had only been on the course for 2 weeks and was enjoying everything

Eventually she found a empty bench under one of the huge trees on the base. Dropping her bag to the floor she sat on the seat leaning back against the table, she closed her eyes enjoying the feel of the warm sun on her face, it was a rare feeling she usually was in class before the sun rose and, in the library, researching when it set. she had a little free time before she had to be in her next class. Rummaging through her bag she pulled out a box and her water bottle. Yawning she stretched out it was tough and hard but she lived for the challenge it was bringing. Reaching back in to her bag she pulled out one of her textbooks she had to study.

The light suddenly became dimmer, looking up she could see a figure she half recognised but it was obscured by the sun. Shielding her eyes, she looked closer as the figure walked towards her. The book she had been holding fell to the floor as she ran towards the figure. Tripping over the strap of her bag she fell in to his arms

"steady on" the figure smiled catching her "nice to see your still falling at my feet chicken legs" he grinned some things hadn't changed she was still clumsy

Looking up in to his eyes "Dutchy!" she cried throwing her arms around his neck.

Staggering back slightly he wrapped his arm around her "hello Jessica" he whispered "i thought you may be missing this" he reached in to his pocket, pulling out the koala she had given him for luck

"you remembered" she gasped taking it from him

"of course, I remembered" he sighed as their hands met

She smiled, catching sight of his watch she looked at her own "I have to go, I'm late for class, but can we meet later I finish at 3" she smiled gathering her things together

"yeah sure" he half smiled

"see you later" she stood on tip-toe kissing him on the cheek before dashing towards the building

Sitting on the bench he watched as she walked through the doors in to the building. It had been a long 18 months and he wasn't sure how to tell her the truth of what happened.

2 hours later she walked back out in to the court yard the sun still shining. She walked over dropping her bag on the floor flopping down on the seat next to him. "what happened out there?" she asked "how come you have been radio silent?" she asked. She had not heard from him in almost a year. He had responded to her emails but then after a while those stopped coming so she gave up sending them assuming the worst.

"fancy grabbing a coffee?" he asked hoping it would defuse the situation and make it easier

"um okay" she replied standing up grabbing her bag. She could see he was trying to change the subject and didn't want to push in case she pushed him away for good

She watched as he stood, it took him a while and she could see the pain in his eyes and the sheer look of determination on his face. "are you okay?" she asked

"fine" he forced a smile "lets go then" he smiled.

Sitting down in the little coffee shop, she felt so relieved he was there with her. She had given up all hope. Dutchy walked over carrying a tray with their drinks. Grateful she was looking else where

"so, what did I miss" he asked sitting down.

"well 2 dads did a disappearing act in Singapore not long after you left actually, went on holiday one shore leave and never returned. Charge left not long after got a job in the mines somewhere west..."

"why doesn't that surprise me" he smiled "and is he still AWOL"

"as far as I know I haven't spoken to anyone in a few weeks" she shrugged "anyway Robert is still on the Hammersley and still his usual glass half empty self" she smiled

"well that's not a surprise," he asked Robert would never change and nor would they want him to

"Oh, and you will never guess what" she grinned "The boss and the X got married like 3 months after you left. It was so romantic we had literally got back off patrol, and he called everyone on the deck got down on one knee and proposed to her and now the X is pregnant due this month she said"

"wow" Dutchy half smiled "good for her" he knew how much Kate had loved Mike and how much it hurt when he was posted on Hammersley indefinitely. "and what about you?" he asked

"oh... Well" she was taken aback "well I am obviously on my medics' course, just started. Then hopefully back on to the patrol boats"

"good, don't fancy a exotic adventure on the high seas?" he smiled

"i don't know, I haven't really thought about it. The X said as it's the navy we have to go where we are sent and learn to like it" she shrugged. "how long you in Sydney for, where is your next posting"

"don't know yet still waiting for brass to tell me if I am staying on Newcastle or being shipped off elsewhere" he half smiled "anyway do you fancy Dinner? We can have a proper chat about everything." he smiled

"okay" she smiled looking down at her uniform. It was practical but not the most glamorous and not something she would want to where when going out for dinner.

"I didn't mean now. Go get changed or whatever and I will see you at 6" he smiled

"see you later then" she picked up her bag heading to the door.

Pulling open her wardrobe she tried to find something suitable to where that wouldn't look like she was desperate or trying too hard. Pulling out a simple maxi dress. She held it up against herself. It was the best she could do she felt that she was too short for maxi dresses. Stuffing her feet in a pair of sandles as she hated the heals she needed to make her taller, she grabbed his leather jacket she still had from his leaving party. she was just grabbing her bag when there was a knock at the door. Looking through the spyhole she saw Dutchy standing on the step.

Pulling the door open she smiled looking down she saw the bag he was holding. "i thought we were going out" she smiled pulling the door open wider allowing him to cross the threshold.

"yeah well I thought this would be better, I'll cook us something"

Trying not to laugh she covered her mouth "Dylan, not that this isn't lovely but you managed to burn a boiled egg when you were on Hammersley."

"yeah well that's where you come in" he grinned "i thought we could cook together"

Shaking her head, she pulled off the leather jacket and threw it over the back of the sofa. "together or me" she laughed grabbing a apron from the cupboard in the kitchen

"is that my jacket?" Dutchy asked picking it up.

"maybe" she smiled "oh all right it's the one you draped around my shoulders. I was half way home when I realised, I still had it and I was on watch the next day, I was going to give it to you before you left but you were already on the ship when I got to garden island"

She watched as he lay it back over the sofa "you were there?" he asked

"yeah, couldn't let you leave without someone to see you off. Kate organised a tour of penguin to see if I wanted to do my medics training, so I had some time free..."

"right" he closed the gap between them "i had no idea"

Looking up in to his eyes there was only a hairs breath between them. She could feel her heart beating rabidly In her chest, lost in his blue-green eyes. "what are we cooking?" she asked breaking the spell between them pulling away from

"Chinese chicken and black bean, with rice" he smiled pulling the things from the bag.

"right have you ever cooked Chinese?" she grinned pulling a pan from under the sink, "wait what is that smell" she turned to see he had pulled out several foil take-a-way "i thought we were cooking" she grinned

"yeah well as you said I can burn a boiled egg and I didn't think you would want a visit from the fire brigade"

"probably for the best" she grinned pulling two plates from the cupboard

**so I have moved on to this point as I didn't want to have too much about the tour. anyway hope you enjoy and please leave a review and let me know what you think, it really helps xx **


	6. Chapter 6

Finishing their meal Jess stood, picking up her glass from the table. Walking over to the sofa she kicked her sandles off sitting down pulling her legs up tucking her feet under her. Looking behind her she could see Dutchy clearing the plates and filling the sink.

"leave it, I'll sort it later" she called watching him

"you sure?" he asked picking up his own glass walking over to her.

"yeah" her eyes following him as he walked round sitting next to her. "so..." she paused eyes flickering trying to read his thoughts.

"so" he smiled looking at her. He could see her eyes filled with supressed tears. "hey what's the matter" he scooted closer to her

"nothing, it's just I missed you that's all" she smiled

"come here" he held his arm out

Wrapping her arm around him she nestled in to his chest. She felt safe there.

"Ditto" he whispered placing his hand on her cheek brushing away the tears with his thumb brushing it along her lip. Running his fingers through her hair he brushed it to one side

"Dylan" she whispered breathing deeply as he leaned in kissing her pushing her back on the sofa. Running his fingers along her shoulder.

"Jess" he whispered looking at her trying to read her

Biting her lip unsure of the anticipation building She nodded wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him closer.

Waking the following morning Dutchy looked over where she lay still sleeping. Brushing the hair from her face she stirred rolling over away from him. Leaning over he kissed her head, sliding from the sheets he walked over to the bathroom

Rolling over she stretched out feeling the empty space next to her. Had she dreamt last night. Looking up she saw the door to the bathroom was ajar and she could hear the shower. Sliding from the bed herself she walked over to the bathroom door watching as he turned showing his back. Stepping back, she was saddened at what she saw his back with a huge scar down his shoulder.

Hearing the shower turn off and him stepping out she headed back to the bed sitting down as he walked out. "morning" he smiled rubbing a towel through his hair.

"hey" she smiled trying to seem normal

"you alright" he smiled

"yeah, what happened to your shoulder" she asked looking at him walking towards him

"what nothing" he smiled hiding the fact he was lying "why do you ask" he said

"the scars" she whispered

"what, it is where Madeline shot me" he lied

"no I treated those wounds that was your right arm not your left shoulder" she reached out touching the scared tissue

"don't" he growled grabbing her wrist hard before she touched him pushing her away.

Stepping back hurt at his actions she dashed in to the bathroom grabbing her clothes as she entered. Sitting on the bed he threw himself back in frustration, he hated that he hurt her but he didn't want that look people gave when they found out about him, it hurt too much.

Sitting up he watched as she walked out having changed in to her uniform "jess" he stood

"i need to go otherwise I am going to be late" she said picking up her bag heading for the door.

Hearing the door bang shut he picked up the towel throwing it at the bathroom door in frustration. He hadn't meant to upset or hurt her. Standing with his back to the mirror he looked over his shoulder at the scar tissue on the back a panful reminder of what happened. He was still recovering and he didn't know what the future held

Walking through the base he waited in the courtyard for her he needed to apologise sitting under the same tree as yesterday he had no idea on her timetable or if she would even come out but he had to try. spotting her walking out of the building.

"Jess" he called darting after her.

Walking past she ignored him she couldn't talk to him right now she was still hurting and felt betrayed.

"jess please wait" he called catching up with her.

Turning she looked at him, "i can't do this now. I have to go" she walked off.

"well can I see you later?" he asked.

"i don't know" she whispered. Walking towards the other building

When she finished later that afternoon, he wasn't waiting outside. She was half relieved and half saddened. If he truly wanted to talk then why didn't he wait. Heading back to her apartment. Opening the door, it was dark and quiet. Dropping her bag by the door she headed to the sofa curling up. She wished he would let her in and talk but he was never one for showing his emotions or feelings.

A knock at the door brought her back to the present. Slowly walking over, she pulled the door open.

"what do you want Dutchy" she sighed

"To talk and apologise. Please" he begged

Turning she walked towards the kitchen. Following her he stood at one end.

"so" she stood waiting

"i am so sorry for the way I reacted this morning. It was unforgivable. I never wanted to hurt you" he said stepping closer.

"then why," she turned hiding her face not wanting to look at him

"I was shot. We were boarding suspected pirates and I didn't see one come up behind shooting me point blank in the shoulder. Several times"

"why didn't you just say" she looked up at him tears in her eyes

"because of that look. I don't want you to look at me like that"

"like what" she asked

"like that. I can't stand the looks of sympathy" he turned away

"Dylan. If I have a look of sympathy it's because it hurts me to see you hurt." she walked round to try and face him

"Jessica..." he sighed he hadn't thought of it like that. "i am sorry" he reached out taking her wrist softly pulling her close.

She turned her head. Resting his thumb under her chin he lifted her face so she was looking right at him.

"i love you" she whispered as he leaned in kissing her

"i know" he smiled

**so hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think. I know this one is short but I sort of lost my train of thought a bit. enjoy x**


	7. Chapter 7

Lying next to him Jess couldn't sleep. Staring at the ceiling the thought of him getting shot kept entering her mind and all she could do was watch helplessly. Turning over she saw he was lay with his back to her. With the glow of the moon creeping through the cracks in the curtain she could see the scars on his back and arms. Reaching out she ran her fingers softly along the scars, trying to hold back the pain she felt. Even though she knew it wasn't the first time he had been shot or wounded, she couldn't remember the amount of times she had assisted Swain in patching him up it still was painful to see him like this. Flinching he turned over to face her.

"hey" he whispered

"sorry" she whispered sitting up pulling her knees in to her chest. "did I wake you?" she asked dithering slightly as the cool night air

"I was awake already." he smiled reaching over putting the lamp on making a amber glow around the room. "you okay?" he asked softly

"yeah" she smiled

"come here" he said holding his arm out.

Shifting her position, she moved in to his arm resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm round her holding her close. Wrapping her arms as best as she could around him, she rested her head on his chest listing to the rhythmic beating of his heart. She could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest. Looking up she was drawn to the now silvery scar down his bicep. Running her finger along the jagged line around his arm. These scars a reminder of the past and the loss they had all suffered. Closing her eyes, she could feel his fingers running through her hair, down to her back. Slowly she drifted off to sleep. She was glad they made up. Her grandmother had always told her never go to sleep on an argument. Always forgive each other as you never know what the morning may bring.

Jessica awoke to the sound of her phone vibrating on the cabinet beside the bed. Looking over she could see dutchy still asleep. Carefully she moved from his arms pulling her phone from the side. She could see it was a what's-app message from Kate. opening it a picture of a baby appeared on the screen with the caption 'Baby Christopher James Flynn. 3/7/13.

she quickie typed a reply 'he is so cute congrats to you and the boss xox'

"what was that" Dutchy asked sleepily

"just a message from Kate. Look" she held out her phone, "she's had the baby" she smiled.

Taking the phone, he smiled looking at the little baby. "he looks like them both" he smiled handing her, her phone back. "what are we going do today then?" he smiled

"what do you mean?" she asked grinning

"well" he pushed himself up on his elbow "i was thinking we just stay here all day" he lifted a strand of her hair twisting it around his finger.

"seriously" she looked up at him Pushing herself up she looked at him "I have to revise" she half smiled "I have my exams in a few weeks"

"it is Saturday. you have had your nose stuck in a book all week." he teased pushing her back kissing her neck

"these assessments are important. I need to pass them to become a medic" she slid from under him walking over to the bathroom "you know that's my dream"

"fine" he sighed he knew he had lost. "can I help with any of the practical stuff?" he grinned moving to the end of the bed eyes glinted "maybe CPR"

Turning she grinned "Dutchy this is serious stuff, if I fail these then I can't be a medic. And you are just too distracting" she walked over to him

"what if I promise to be good" he smiled pulling her on to his lap teasing her in to a kiss

"well I suppose I could do with some help" she whispered pulling herself away.

Later that afternoon Bird had Dutchy sat on one of the kitchen chairs. Standing to the side she was wrapping a bandage around his head.

"is this absolutely necessary" he sighed as the bandage dipped over his eye. "when I said help, I was thinking more like mouth to mouth" he snaked his arm around her legs pulling her close.

"hey" she tried to wriggle free, "you promised you would behave"

"okay I am sorry I will be on my best behaviour. What's next" he smiled

"it's alright I think I have enough practice for today" she wrapped her arm around his neck sitting on his lap. Pushing the bandage from his head. "thank you for being a model patient."

"do I get a lolly" he grinned

Laughing she stood up walking in to the kitchen. "I am afraid we don't have any lollies, or anything for dinner" she said pulling open the fridge.

"come on then chicken legs, fancy a night out, I think we both deserve one" he held his arm out.

Sitting in the little restaurant Dutchy looked over at Jess sitting opposite him.

"so when are these exams" he asked

"3 weeks. I am dreading them. What if my mind goes blank or what if..." she began panicking

"Jess you will be fine. Look at all you achieved on Hammersley. Swain had total faith in you. You just need to believe in yourself. And I am sure where ever he is Swain would be so proud of you." he reached over taking her hand.

"Thanks Dylan" she smiled looking up at him. Whenever she had lacked faith in herself, he had always been there to tell her otherwise, put her mind at rest. Make her feel good enough.

"and then you are going to be the best Medic the Royal Australian navy has had"

"No I won't. There are hundreds of medical assistants and medical officers, and I still won't be as good as Swain. He was amazing"

"and so are you. The amount of times I have been patched up I should know"

She smiled "thanks Dutchy.

Heading back to Jessica's apartment Dutchy pulled the car in to the servo. "i just need to get some fuel." he smiled.

"mind If I nip in, I fancy some chocolate" she smiled undoing her belt

"which one do you want and I will get it when I pay" he smiled

"not sure that's why I want to look see what they have. I will be 5 minuets" she said climbing from the car.

Running across the forecourt he watched as she entered the servo. She did know which chocolate she was going to get as it was the only one, she did eat. The twirl bar. She returned less than 5 minuets later

"so which one did you get?" he asked

"a twirl" she smiled "oh and I also got you this" she held out a chubba-chub lollypop. "because you were such a good patient this morning" she grinned.

Taking her hand In his he pulled her close "well you were such a excellent medic. Come on lets get back" he smiled

Sitting back in the car she watched as he unwrapped his lolly. She couldn't help but have doubts in herself and her own abilities but maybe with him by her side she could see the light and actually achieve her dream and make everyone proud

**so hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think. xx **


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few weeks Jess spent most of her time with her head stuck in her books trying to remember how she needed to do everything. It wasn't only practical skills she needed but she also had exams to show she knew what she was doing. Sitting at the table her eyes scanned the text books and her own notes and back again.

Walking over Dutchy looked over her shoulder. "how's it going?" he asked

Looking over her shoulder she smiled stretching out. "hey" she yawned rubbing her neck.

Standing behind her he began massaging her shoulders "why don't you have a break" he kissed the top of her head

"no I need to finish this" she shrugged him off

"Jess you were up with the birds. Your eyes look like they need their own support."

"what time is it?" she asked

"19:00" he smiled

"what!" she looked down at her watch seeing it was after 7. sighing she rubbed her eyes.

"why don't you go sit down and I will whip us up something to eat." he slowly pulled her books away closing them up. Slowly pulling her to her feet he led her to the sofa. She watched as Dutchy headed in to the kitchen. He returned 20 minutes later with 2 bowls. Handing her one he sat next to her.

"thank you" she smiled digging right in. She hadn't realised how hungry she was and that she had actually forgot to eat all day. As soon as she finished, she walked over to the table grabbing her books and notes.

Looking over Dutchy shook his head. "i thought you were going to put those up for the rest of the evening?" he grinned

"i have to revise, I have one of the tests tomorrow" she said panicked

"you know you can revise too much. You look Stuffed" he smiled edging the books from her lap

"i just need..." she began reaching out trying to take them back

"why don't I go run you a nice relaxing bath and then we have an early night?" he smiled "you want to be fresh and clear minded for tomorrow don't you" he smiled

She nodded slowly "a bath would be lovely" she smiled

"one hot bubbly bath coming up" he stood from the sofa.

Watching as he headed in to the bathroom Jess reached forward sliding her text book from the coffee table.

"Jessica Bird I saw that. I thought you were going to put the books away for tonight. Let that brilliant brain of yours have a rest"

"fine" she sighed pushing it back across the table. leaning back on the sofa.

Dutchy returned a few moments later. "your bath is ready" he smiled

Walking round the sofa she walked in to the bathroom, Dutchy had been busy. There were candles lit around the edge of the bath and there were rose petals scattered on the water.

"you didn't have to do all of this." she turned

"no, I know. But you deserve it. Now have a soak, relax and unwind" he smiled

"all right" she smiled. "did I ever tell you I love you" she stood on tip-toe kissing him.

"all the time but that water is getting cold. Enjoy whilst its hot" he smiled

"you know I think there may just be room for two in this bath" she grinned eyes glinting

"not this time Chicken legs. This one is just for you."

"spoil sport" she grinned as he walked out

After undressing she carefully climbed in to the water, it was the perfect temperature. she loved it boiling so for the first few moments you couldn't feel the heat, she could smell a mixture of lavender and jasmine. Sinking down so her shoulders were under the water. Instantly she could feel herself relax and unwind.

By the time she eventually climbed out all the bubbles had dissolved and the water had gone cold. Changing in to a pair of leggings and a vest she walked out in to the living room.

"feeling better" Dutchy smiled as she sat down pulling a blanket off the back

"yeah" she yawned resting her head on his lap. Falling asleep there

She awoke the next morning under the covers. Running her hand through her hair she had no idea how she got there. The last thing she remembered was getting out of the bath. Heading out in to the main living area she saw Dutchy stood in the kitchen

"good morning" he smiled turning "i made breakfast. Porridge" he grinned.

"i hate porridge. It's all thick and claggy and tastes vile" she moaned sitting at the table

"well that's why I added some milo and topped with banana and caramel" he placed a bowl in front of her

Looking at the bowl she sighed "do I have to eat this?"

"yes its good brain food. Come on eat up you don't want to miss anything"

Lifting a little of the porridge on to the spoon she nervously ate it. "actually, this isn't half bad" she smiled taking another spoon full.

"see told you" he grinned placing a mug of coffee in front of her

"thank you" she looked at the clock on the microwave. "i best get going. I don't want to be late" she pushed her self away from the table.

"good luck" he walked over to her

"thank you" she smiled.

Walking through the front door Dutchy looked over at the sofa to see Jess curled up with the blankets pulled over her head.

"so how did it go?" he asked

"i bombed" she whispered

"i am sure it wasn't all that bad" he walked over sitting on the small space left

"it was. My mind went blank and I just started spouting random things" she sighed "I have let everyone down. The X, You, Swain..." she looked up at him.

"come here" he sighed holding his arm out. She shifted around moving so she was nestled in his arm "don't you ever think that. You could never let me down. And Swain was always so proud of you"

"not after today. I sounded like a Compleat idiot" she sobbed

"lets just wait and see. Yeah. You may surprise yourself everyone says they have bombed a test and its never true"

"this time it is true" she sighed

"come on. I know what would cheer you up. Go look in the bottom draw of the freezer" he smiled

Sighing she plodded over to the freezer. The way she was feeling she doubted whatever he had hidden in the freezer could cheer her up but she would have a look anyway. Pulling open the draw she found a tub of Ben and Jerrys Chocolate therapy. Picking it out she grabbed a spoon and curled up on the sofa.

"i think I love Mr Benn and Mr Jerry" she swooned as the ice cream ran down her throat.

"and what about me" Dutchy said easing the spoon from her hands taking a mouthful of the ice cream.

"Hey" she grabbed the spoon back "you come in a close third" she grinned.

"when do you find out if you have passed?" he asked

"next week" her face fell "can we not talk about it. I know I have failed so why prolong the torcher"

"no you don't know that for sure. Why don't we get out of the city, head down to Wollongong for a few days? Get some breathing space"

"i don't know" jess sighed

"come on, walk along the beach. Take a dip in the ocean. Perfect for forgetting your worries and then we can come back and celebrate your graduation"

"your not going to take no for a answer are you" she grinned

"nope" he grinned wrapping his arm around her

"fine" she smiled "i suppose a relaxing break by the pool will do me good" she smiled weakly.

**so I dont actually know what the Medics training would intale so its just a guess. the idea of chocolate porridge is from when I was a kid and I couldn't find the chocolate porridge I would add hot chocolate powder to make it more chocolatey. anyway enjoy and let me know what you think. **


	9. Chapter 9

Climbing out of the car Jess looked around. They had pulled up outside a hotel. It had been over a hours drive and as soon as they lefts the confines of the city and were on the road she could feel the stresses begin to melt away. The wind had picked up but it was a cool autumn breeze. The sun still had some warmth in it.

After checking in to the hotel they headed up to their room. As soon as they stepped in Jess turned. The room was huge and bright with a double aspect window overlooking the beach through the one window and the mountains and national park that surrounded the city through the other.

"this is so beautiful" Jess gasped flopping down on the huge bed stretching out

"see just what you need, to Chillax and recharge" he said dropping his bag on the armchair in the room and throwing open the patio door on to the balcony

"chillax" she laughed "how old are you"

"what's wrong with chillax" he smiled walking over to her

"nothing." she grinned "if your 15 and hanging round the skate park" she smiled

"are you saying I am old?" he grinned

"well I..." she smiled coyly watching as he closed the gap between them. He gently pushed her back against the bed softly kissing her neck.

"i guess we will have to do something about that?" he whispered in to her ear

Giggling softly, she pulled him closer. "so, what did you have in mind to chillax then"

Waking up Jess moved from his arms. Walking out on to the balcony she could see the sun beginning to rise. Inhaling the morning air after less than 12 hours she was feeling more relaxed and calmer. It was just what she needed she had spent the last few months constantly thinking about her training and passing she had forgotten what it felt like to relax. Even when she had been taking her high school exams, she had been the same, always revising and always stressing out convincing herself she had failed to the point she made herself ill with the worry.

"there you are" Dutchy walked out behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. "everything all right" he asked.

Leaning back in to his body she smiled before turning. "fine. I just wanted to see the sun rise" she smiled "so what did you have in mind for today?" she asked

"well I thought we could go to the botanical gardens and maybe when we get back take a walk along the beach to the light house. see the sun set" he smiled

"perfect, I'll go and get dressed" she edged around him walking in to the room.

The weekend flew past all too quickly. Sitting at home Jess stared at her computer screen scrolling through Facebook not really paying attention. She had seen several people on the course post that they had passed and were so excited, she was as yet waiting for her results to come through.

Seeing a notification flash up in the corner alerting her to an email appearing in the corner of the screen. nervously she dragged the mouse over. Clicking on the email it opened providing the link she needed for the portal.

It was a nervous wait for the page to load and log in. Her eyes scanned the page looking down the list. She had passed all her other assessments with flying colours but this was the most important one it counted for most of the course and she needed to pass this one to graduate. her eyes came to rest on the last box. looking along the line it gave the name of the module and the percentage. Then the all-important pass or fail. She kept reading and rereading the line over and over.

Dutchy walked in to see Jess just sat staring at the wall her face showing no emotion. Walking slowly over "Jess?" he called "what's happened" he asked sitting on the edge of the sofa

"nothing" she sighed turning a smiled. "it's just I passed." she dived on him wrapping her arms around him, knocking him off balance they both fell to the floor and in to the table.

"ow" Dutchy moaned sitting up clutching his arm.

"are you okay" she asked through giggles.

"yeah" he hissed in pain. "it is just my shoulder" he shrugged

"sorry" she looked at him through tears scared that she had hurt him

"hey" he whispered sitting up next to her "it's not your fault. The amount of times I landed on it funny and the shooting it sometimes gives me grief that's all. Now how are we going to celebrate you becoming the best medic in the fleet" he grinned pulling her close kissing her.

"can we just stay in. I don't really want to go out, I am still processing it all" she smiled weakly

"whatever you want. When's your graduation?" he asked rubbing his shoulder

"3 weeks on Thursday." she smiled looking over at him. "are you sure your arm is okay?" she asked

"its fine, I just caught it on the table. I am fine, now what shall we order?" he held out a selection of take-a-way menus.

"ummm" she took them out of his hands shuffling through. Pulling out the one for her favourite. "umm Chinese, crispy lemon chicken and rice" she smiled handing him the menu.

"anything else?" he asked

"ooh noodle soup and spring rolls and banana fritters" she grinned

"as you wish" he bowed his head reaching for the phone.

"and can you get some chips as well please" she grinned as he dialled the number.

He grinned he didn't know how someone so small could put away all that food. Less than 45 minutes later the food arrived. Grabbing the plates from the cupboard, jess placed them on the table as Dutchy began unpacking the food from the bags it arrived in.

"see I told you that you would pass" he grinned separating their chosen food

"i know but I need to see it for myself especially when I get like that" she began spooning some of the fried rice on to her plate. "what did you get" she sniffed the air. Whatever it was it smelt amazing.

"chicken with peanuts and chillies" he smiled

Picking up a piece of the chicken keen to try bit in to it. Immediately regretting it. Gasping and panting she grabbed the glass of wine Dutchy had poured for them both gulping it down trying to soothe the sensation of burning in her mouth.

"bloody hell Dutchy how spicy do you want it?" she asked

"it's gunpowder chicken" he grinned looking at her red face.

"how can you eat that its enough to blow your brains out"

"its not that spicy. You just have a very boring pallet" he grinned biting in to a piece of chicken.

"hey, I just don't like my food that spicy and besides that's going to burn on the way out much more." she grinned

Once they had eaten, they both curled up on the sofa. Now she had her results she felt so much better and all the stresses had melted away. She had worked herself up so much inside she had convinced herself she would have to start again from scratch and re-do the course. She couldn't wait for graduation and to collect her badge proving she was a medic she just wished it wasn't almost 3 weeks away.

**okay so I have no idea how they get results in the navy so based it a little on how I got most of my university assignment results which were submitted through a online portal. anyway hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. **


	10. Chapter 10

Jess awoke with the sun creeping through the window. Stretching out she smiled to herself. Today was the day she had been waiting for, she was graduating as a medic. All the hard work, tears, stress and determination had finally paid off. feeling the weight shift she rolled over to face Dutchy

"good morning" he smiled "happy graduation day" he whispered leaning in kissing her

"thank you" she smiled back "what time is it?" she let out a little yawn.

"just gone 8, what time do you have to be there?" he asked

"Noon, it starts at 1" she said sliding from the sheets. "I'm going for a shower" she smiled

Standing under the water she couldn't help let out a sigh of relief. It was all becoming real and she had finally made it as a medic in the navy. She hoped that she could go back to Cairns and the patrol boats. She had many friends still living in Goat central and she loved the patrol boats as there was always something different to do. Hammersley was her family.

Having changed in to a pair of leggings and a vest she walked through in to the main living room. Dutchy turned as she approached.

"i thought we could have pancakes for breakfast" he smiled carrying a bowl of fruit over to the table. Placing it with a range of other toppings he had prepared

"looks yummy. Did you make these by yourself?" she asked sitting at the table.

"i want to say yes but alas they are Aldi's finest" he grinned.

Laughing she was just about to lift one of the warm pancakes on to her plate when there was a knock at the door.

"would you get that Jess I am kind of holed up" he called from the kitchen

"sure" she called heading to the door.

Pulling the door open a huge smile grew across her face.

"Kate!" she cried "what are you doing here?" she asked

"Dutchy called said it was your graduation and that you would want some family there. So, we thought we would come down and support you"

"well come in, we're just having breakfast but there is plenty" Jess pulled the door open.

Kate lifted the pram, through the door.

"is this Christopher." jess cooed looking at the sleeping baby "shall we have those pancakes before they go cold, Kate, join us. Dutchy has made enough to feed the whole of Ardent division" she laughed

"it certainly looks like a feast" Kate laughed sitting at the table. "but I think a whole division may be stretching it" she smiled pulling a pancake towards her topping it with the fruit Dutchy had laid out.

"Mike not with you?" dutchy asked carrying over a second plate of pancakes.

"He's outside. He had a last-minute phone call to make. he should be in in a bit" she smiled glancing in the pram, Christopher was still fast asleep. "do you know where your heading next Jess?" she asked

"no, no one has said anything guess it's still all up in the air" she sighed. She had hoped to hear something by now. Cutting in to her pancake.

Once they had all eaten their fill of pancakes Jess and Kate moved to the sofa whilst dutchy cleared the table. His insistence Jess shouldn't have to lift a finger on her special day. Flopping down she smiled as Christopher began wailing in the pram. As soon as Kate lifted him in to her arms he instantly stopped and calmed at being close to his mother.

"do you want a cuddle?" Kate asked grinning seeing how transfixed Jessica's gaze was

"sure" she smiled

Placing the baby in to her friends arms Kate sat back watching. Christopher was a little unsure at this new face staring down at him, let out a little wail.

"hey" Jess cooed "shhh,shhh shhh" instantly calming the baby.

"good luck getting him back X" Dutchy grinned walking over to the kitchen

"shut up, he is adorable" Jess turned back to look at the baby. Smiling as he gripped tightly around her finger.

"well do you want to hand him back to his mother as I want to give you something" Dutchy smiled

"fine" Jess sighed as she eased Christopher back in to Kates arms.

Sitting back in her seat she looked over at Dutchy. "well" she said

"patience my friend just wait" Dutchy smiled as there was a knock at the door.

Walking over Dutchy pulled open the door and Mike walked in.

"sorry I am late I had some stuff to sort" he smiled winking at Kate.

"its fine. Come through" Dutchy smiled "right. Jess I just want to say Congratulations and I couldn't be prouder." he handed her a small glittery box.

Lifting the lid Jess saw a silver chain with a pendent of what looked like snake coiled round a branch from a tree hanging down.

"its beautiful" she cried "thank you" she lifted it from the box.

"what is it?" Mike asked staring at it, to him it just looked like a weird pattern

"it's a Rod of Asclepius" Jess smiled

"the rod of what?" Mike asked

"the Rod of Asclepius. He was the Greek god for healing" Jess smiled. "if you were sick then you would go to the temple of Asclepius. Some stories say the snake even cured someone who was blind" she carefully fastened the chain around her neck. "all of his children were gods or goddesses to do with health and medicine"

"its beautiful Jess" Kate carefully lifted the pendent inspecting it closely "now this is from us" Kate passed her a envelope. "its not much but we hope you like it"

"thank you" Jess smiled carefully pulling a sheet of paper. Her eyes scanning the information. Looking up she grinned "really"

Kate nodded "you are officially a medic on the HMAS Hammersley"

"thank you" she leaned over hugging Kate "this is the best" she looked over at the clock, time was running away so quickly. "I best go and get changed otherwise I am going to be late" she turned heading towards her room.

Standing on the parade square Jess watched as the different classes went up collecting their certificates. She watched as the next cohort of Navy doctors said their Hippocratic oath, declaring they would do all they could to treat those in their care. Then it was her turn walking up she was greeted by the commander of Penguin.

Once all the formalities were over everyone was dismissed to enjoy the day with their friends and families. Dashing over to where Kate stood with mike Jess looked around.

"congratulations" Kate hugged her friend

"where is Dutchy" Jess asked looking around the crowds trying to spot him.

" ummm he was here a moment ago" Kate turned around. "maybe he has gone back to yours?" she suggested.

Opening the door to her apartment Jess ran in looking around. It was extremely quiet and no sign of life. Looking in each of the rooms there was nothing. All of his stuff had gone and she found a envelope addressed to her on the side. Ripping it open her eyes scanned his handwriting

_The truth is complicated. _

_Please forgive me_

_Goodbye_

Falling back, she landed on the edge of the bed tears running down her cheeks. Curling up in to a ball she held on to the note and the necklace he had given her that morning.

"Jess?" Kate called opening the door "i thought we could..." she paused seeing Jess in a crumpled heap on the bed. "Jess?" she sat on the edge of the bed.

Sitting up jess looked right at Kate. "he's gone" she sobbed handing over the note

"oh Jess" Kate pulled her in to a hug. It was a pain she had known well. It was practically the same words mike had left when he disappeared from HMAS Watson 12 years previously. Turning as she heard footsteps on the floor. Walking over to Mike who was holding baby Christopher she shook her head. Looking back over at Jess who lay still curled up. She could kill Dutchy for doing this. What was he hiding that he couldn't share with them and why make a spectacle that morning with the masses of pancakes and treats? All she knew was her friend was heartbroken. It would take a lot of getting over she just hoped that being on Hammersley and her work would distract her.

**so hope you like it please dont kill me :P. the Rod of Asclepius is the international symbol used for medicine. in the uk it is on most of our ambulance services badges. In aus I know it is on the army medical corps like with the British army. (I did history of medicine for GCSE (year11) history exam) hope you like this and please let me know what you think **


	11. Chapter 11

Dutchy sat in the hospital waiting room, he had been having problems with his shoulder since he got back from Afghan but since he went crashing in to the table when Jess had told him she had passed her final medics assessment he had been in more pain and it was causing him more grief.

"Dylan Mulholland" a voice called.

Walking in to the bright consulting room he sat in front of the consultant.

"so I can see from your notes you have been having problems with your shoulder including several dislocations"

"yeah I was shot in Afghanistan 18 months ago. It was okay little, pain but it's gotten back in the last few weeks I fell in to the corner of a coffee table and since then it's gotten worse" Dutchy said

Standing over his shoulder the consultant began examining the shoulder moving it feeling the muscle and movement from the bone

"when you Dislocate the shoulder do you have to have it manipulated or will it pop back in on its own?"

"normally I can get it back in to place, without intervention"

"right well I can feel there is a lot of tension and the joint is very crunchy so we will get you in for a x-ray and a MRI scan so we can see what the damage is and then we can go from there"

"right, this isn't going to take long is it because I need to get home" Dutchy looked at his watch. No one knew he was here and he didn't want Jess to worry.

"sorry but it's going to take a while. We will do the MRI scan first as that takes the longest. If you go down to imaging then they are waiting for you and I will speak to you in a bit" the doctor smiled.

Following the directions from the outpatients waiting room to the imaging department Dutchy got lost once or twice but eventually found it on the second floor. After handing the paper from the consultant he had seen downstairs the nurse on the desk lead him through to a large room.

After putting one of the horrible hospital gowns that tie at the back on, he was led in to the huge room where the MRI scanner was. Lying on the table he stared straight up as the scanner began moving around.

"Mr Mulholland Keep still please and try and relax" the technician called from behind the screen. "it will help us get a clear image"

"sorry" he called taking some deep breaths he closed his eyes. He had never been claustrophobic but lying in this machine did make him weary of the enclosed space he was in. It was a long day after the MRI he was sent straight through to the X-ray room to have X-rays on his shoulder from every possible angle. The radiographer clicked on each of the pictures looking at them closely but giving no indication of what was wrong

Sitting back in the main waiting room was hard. He picked up a newspaper someone had left on the chair next to him. He wasn't that interested in what was in there it was all depressingly sad news as usual.

"Dylan Mulholland" a nurse called

Walking back in to the consultant's room he sat back in the chair.

"Mr Mulholland, looking at your scans and X-rays I can see there is extensive damage to the soft tissues and Scapular and the joint." He turned his computer slightly pointing to the badly healed fractures on the X-ray. "the only way to sort this is surgery. We will need to pin the shoulder to stop it from popping out of place. Unfrotunatly other than removing the scar tissue from the muscle there isn't much else we can do"

"right well if I have the surgery how long will I be out for?" Dutchy asked

"Mr Mulholland with your shoulder you won't be fit for front line active duty..."

Dutchy sat there staring at the computer. He could hear what was being said around him but he couldn't quite take it all in. The navy was his life all he had ever known was being a sailor and life at sea.

"...now I am going to get you booked in for the surgery as soon as possible and we will see if we can sort out that shoulder. is there anything you want to know?"

Snapping back to reality dutchy looked up "I don't think so no" he half smiled standing. He just wanted to get out.

"okay you will get a date for your operation through in the post." the consultant held his hand out shaking Dutchy's hand. "i will see you soon" he smiled opening the door.

Walking out Dutchy sat in his car just staring out. He had no idea on what he was going to do. He couldn't do this to Jessica. If she knew what he was going through then she wouldn't want to leave and be Brillant. After he had the operation, he wouldn't be able to drive for several months and would require extensive physiotherapy and he wouldn't want her sticking by him through that.

He was brought back to reality by the loud ringing of his phone. Looking at the caller ID he saw it was Jessica.

"hey," he called hoping he sounded normal

"hey where are you I've been trying to call you"

"yeah sorry had my phone switched of."

"so where are you?"

"just in town. Everything okay?" he asked

"yeah. Fine. You on your way back?" she asked

"yeah I will just nip to Coles get something for dinner what do you fancy?"

"umm pasta," she called

"pasta It is then. Shouldn't be too long"

"see you later then"

"yeah" he sighed "see you later" he called in to the dead phone

It was killing him what he was about to do but it would kill him more to see her put her life on hold for him. Ferrying him to and from physio and being his nurse maid when she could fly so high. Pulling out of the hospital carpark he drove off down the road. It had to be done.

**_so this is set after chapter 9 but before chapter 10. this is why Dutchy left Jess. hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think. the next chapter will be a serious flash forward xx_**


	12. Chapter 12

_10 years later_

Jess walked up the quay of HMAS Cairns. She hadn't been on the Cairns base for over 7 years. After qualifying as a medic, she returned to Cairns serving on Hammersley as the second medic. More recently she was one of the medics onboard HMAS Hobart on operations in northern and south east Asia.

It seemed surreal being back in the tropics especially as it was for Hammersley's decommissioning. the ship was only 15 years old. But the government in their infinite wisdom had decided to create a new super class of off shore patrol boats combining 4 classes of warships in to one. This meant the role of the Patrol boat service would be extended to mine clearing and hydrographic surveys as well as the usual boarder protections.

she came to a stop in front of Hammersley. Looking round she could see members of the current crew talking amongst themselves on the boat deck. Kate walked over the gangway pushing all the crew on to the quay to wait for the Commanding officer at Cairns and the admiral to arrive and the ceremony could begin.

Walking along to where the seats had been arranged for the former crew members and others who had been invited by the navy to see the Decommissioning. She tried to find an empty seat so she could see the ceremony without having to twist her neck to see everything.

Taking her seat, she watched as the ensign was lowered on Hammersley's Flag deck. It was folded by RO who was still on Hammersley and handed to Kate; who was the commanding officer. Kate waked over the gangway with the flag tucked under her arm. The guard saluted the flag as Kate walked past coming to a stop in front of Mike and the admiral

"Sir, Hammersley's Job is done. I commend her white Ensign to your safe keeping to the naming of the new Hammersley" she held the flag out.

"on behalf of the Navy I will keep this white ensign safe" the admiral tucked the flag under his arm.

Stepping back Kate saluted smiling at mike she turned on her heal and joined the parade before they marched up the quay.

Once the crew had left the quay Jess walked down to Find Kate. She

"Jessica?" a male voice called from behind her. It was a voice she half recognised.

Turning slowly, she saw Dutchy standing behind her in civvies. Turning back away she couldn't do this it hurt too much. Walking further up the quay she felt his hand on her shoulder

"Jess wait please" he called

Stopping she turned blinking back the tears. "Dylan" she forced a smile "what are you doing here"

"same as you. Hammersley's Decommissioning." he smiled his eye catching the insignia on her uniform. "you made petty officer?" he smiled she had only been in the navy 10 years and was already a petty officer.

"yeah 6 months ago. what about you how come your in Civvies?"

"medically Discharged 10 years ago" he half smiled

"what happened?" she asked fiddling with her chain. It was 10 years since she had last seen him. 10 years since her graduation and 10 years since he had left her with nothing but a cryptic note.

"my shoulder kept dislocating and I had bad scaring internal like, I had to have the shoulder pinned so I was deemed unfit for sea, didn't fancy a desk job so I took medical discharge" his eyes fell on her necklace.

Tucking the necklace out of sight she looked up. "10 years ago. Is that... is that why you left?" she asked trying not to cry

"yes" his answer was short and sweet.

Looking up at him. It stung he was so blunt in his answer. "but why?" she asked

"because of you. Look where you are now. I didn't want you to be stuck looking after me. Ferrying me back and forth to rehab and putting everything on hold for me"

"it wasn't your decision to make." she said turning away.

"but I didn't want you to put everything on hold you were too brilliant for that..." he placed his hand on her shoulder

Shrugging him off she turned "you broke my heart. I wanted to share that day with the people I love and the most important person disappeared on me" she said tears falling down her cheeks. "how long did you stay for?" she asked

"i saw you cross the stage and collect your certificate, I left just before you came over. it was the hardest thing I ever had to do" he closed the gap between them

"then why do it. We could have made things work." she looked up in to his eyes that still made her go weak at the knees.

"because I knew you wouldn't want to leave me and I didn't want you to wake up one day resenting the fact you stayed behind or I would resent the fact you were still in the navy sailing the seven seas and I was left on shore"

"i wouldn't..." she closed her eyes the tears still running silently down her cheeks

"you don't know that" he reached out brushing his thumb along her cheek

Leaning in her skin fizzed at his touch. "i missed you" she smiled

"Ditto" he pulled his hand away.

"so what you doing now then as you're not in the navy?" she asked

"i am a teacher. Year 3 mainly"

Trying not to laugh she covered her mouth. It was hard to imagen Dutchy, a big tough naval man through and through as a teacher, especially in a primary school.

"what is so funny about that" he protested

"nothing I wasn't laughing at you per say. Its just you being a teacher. This I have to see" she grinned

"well since you say that, I am looking for someone to come and talk to the kids about being a sailor. What you doing next week" he smiled

"well I am posted to the new Arafura Hammersley so nothing until she arrives in Cairns, where do you teach?"

"funny you should say that. My school is in Mission Beach"

"i will need to clear it with Kate, she is my CO but sounds good"

"i will send you the details. Look I need to head back, marking and planning and all that. But it was good to see you Jess" he smiled leaning in kissing her on the cheek

"yeah" she smiled "Ditto"

**so the information about the Armidale class being upgraded to the Arafura class is info I found on Wikipedia that has been cited. as for the fic this is the last chapter as I have A lost it a little and B it is really hard to write about the future lol. hope you enjoy and let me know what you think x **


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